you would see the biggest gift would be from me, and the card attached would say...

[concretekiss]

I didn't say "Is it ok if she's Mexican and wears a baseball cap?" to the woman who came into the shop today to ask "Isn't there someone here who is closer to my age? I need an opinion." I also did not say "I have many opinions, one being that you are an ass-faced donkey whore," or "She is out on vacation right now, but you are welcome to blow a lobster," or "You look like you're in your late 40s. I'm closer to your age than Blanche buttfucking Devereaux," or "Sure I'll go get her" and duck behind the counter only to hobble back into the shop all haggafied, with a scarf wrapped around my head, dark glasses and a walking cane.
Instead I politely went to get the manager who in her noble aged wisdom happily and proudly gave her godlike opinion on violets for a tea party, as I glowered in the back room. This kill them with kindness biz can suck my velvet balls. D'nay tells me I should've told the lady "I'm a mother!" like what the fuck would that do? People hate kids as much as Nazis nowadays. Everything always goes back to if I were a dolphin I wouldn't have these problems.

Comments

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

i bet as soon as i get shriveled up enough to get some damn respect the youngins will come in asking for something who was born during this last century.

it's never enough, simpletwice!

[simpletwice.livejournal.com]

That's a good point, next it'll be "Do you have someone closer to an embryo? 'Cause I need advice on wireless iTulips!"

Perhaps the secret is to develop godlike opinions about everything. YES. I like this strategy & feel you would be good at it. Go forth and pontificate!

now all i need is a megaphone for my godlike opinions....

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

i don't know if you can help me. can i speak to someone who is jewish and has a third nipple?