you would see the biggest gift would be from me, and the card attached would say...

[concretekiss]

I didn't say "Is it ok if she's Mexican and wears a baseball cap?" to the woman who came into the shop today to ask "Isn't there someone here who is closer to my age? I need an opinion." I also did not say "I have many opinions, one being that you are an ass-faced donkey whore," or "She is out on vacation right now, but you are welcome to blow a lobster," or "You look like you're in your late 40s. I'm closer to your age than Blanche buttfucking Devereaux," or "Sure I'll go get her" and duck behind the counter only to hobble back into the shop all haggafied, with a scarf wrapped around my head, dark glasses and a walking cane.
Instead I politely went to get the manager who in her noble aged wisdom happily and proudly gave her godlike opinion on violets for a tea party, as I glowered in the back room. This kill them with kindness biz can suck my velvet balls. D'nay tells me I should've told the lady "I'm a mother!" like what the fuck would that do? People hate kids as much as Nazis nowadays. Everything always goes back to if I were a dolphin I wouldn't have these problems.

Comments

[el-moofo.livejournal.com]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2003/jul/03/research.science/print

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1220877/Dolphins-filmed-playing-football-using-jellyfish.html

I like the sunglasses and walking stick option. :) Next time promise me you'll do that.

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

i hope there aren't any middle aged dolphins who are rude to the younger dolphins because they get HOTFLASHES THAT MAKES THEM TOO LIGHTHEADED TO PLAY FOOTBALL W THE JELLYFISH

i will bring a chest full of disguises so i can become whoever each customer prefers. i'm every woman!

[simpletwice.livejournal.com]

You know, you're grumpy, but someday you're gonna get godlike opinions on tea party violets yourself AND THIS WILL ALL MAKE SENSE.

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

i bet as soon as i get shriveled up enough to get some damn respect the youngins will come in asking for something who was born during this last century.

it's never enough, simpletwice!

*condescending pat*

[quiet-flame.livejournal.com]

Oh, Stacie. You're too young to understand adult situations like tea parties.

BTW, I read this article on child-hating the other day that talked about how weird it is that it's socially acceptable to openly hate children. It's really true--nobody blinks an eye when someone states "I don't like children." What other group could you say that about in any company and not fear criticism?

Re: *condescending pat*

[quiet-flame.livejournal.com]

ALSO I SAW THE NEW ISSUE FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY IT LOOKS AWESOME

it's even comical to joke about how horrid the little creatures are...

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

What other group could you say that about in any company and not fear criticism?

well Megan, that would be the NAZIS.

[stefan11.livejournal.com]

Need a haiku at the end of this story.

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

the rent is past due
customers at work are rude
dolphins still don't care

[crashing-buses.livejournal.com]

I used to work at an appliance repair place and I would sometimes get people asking "if there was a man they could talk to". It doesn't take a man to tell you that your fucking rice cooker is broken because you tried to make soup in it.

do you know how to spell caPAciTAtor?

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

my last job was in a male dominated corporation of engineers, and ooooh honeychile.

Sharks, The Japanese, Heroin, Bulemia

[inertiacrept.livejournal.com]

You do realize that dolphins have problems too?

tax men, anal pin worms, al qaeda, locust plagues

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

but i don't see them sitting around bitchin about it in they lj

[piedpiper.livejournal.com]

i like that you had some real earned ire about this, because usually i just think beforehand how unqualified i am, even if it's something i know a lot about LYKE TEA PARTEEZ

shoulda garnished the bitch some poison ivy
or a funeral wreath

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

aw, darlin, i don't like that you don't give yrself enough credit, though this is pot calling kettle, LINE ONE!

but don't THINK i didn't consider hiding a turd in her centerpiece.

[howard-cosell.livejournal.com]

hay btw, you are supremely qualified to help me assemble my krazy kristmas kreche -- I was at Ayers Variety yesterday and saw all these blank nativity manger things, like dollhouses waiting to be filled. I want to style one up and photograph it for our full-length xmas record package (which will probably be for next year, not this Christmas).

[phoenixsinking.livejournal.com]

I heart you big time.

I'm calling you tomorrow. I miss you tons, was thinking about you today.

x's and o's

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

it would be nice to hear from you, cutie!
i liked reading about yr adventures in NY.

[pachamama.livejournal.com]

Couldn't you just look at her in utter confusion and say "I'm sorry? I'm 32 [or whatever the real number is] -- how old are YOU?"

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

i was too stunned, to be smart or graceful. :(
normally i have a million things to say when i'm not caught off guard.

[blue-thundering.livejournal.com]

It's all pretty sweet for flightviolation the Dolphin until someone comes cutting off her fins for meat!

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

damn humans!

THERE IS HOPE

[browniegirl322.livejournal.com]

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/83169

Did you tell her you played Granny once???

"All I did is change my appearance to look the way I felt"

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

lol, i love the blowhole part at the end.

[fightingwords.livejournal.com]

Damn I wish I were a dolphin.

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

we get to use echolocation and we don't have to wear pants!

[sofarfrom78.livejournal.com]

Your dolphin comment has me laughing through my burning, sick stomach this afternoon. ;) I think we both struggle with looking much younger than we actually are. For awhile, no one at my new job believed that I was a mother, and when they found out that my child is 10, they thought I was lying. It's hard to be taken seriously sometimes.

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

i hate to say it but i'm glad i have you to understand my frustrations. it doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to, but just when i thought i was done w this bullshit...but srsly i don't look THAT young. betch needs to tell it to my crowsfeet!

[jujulilianan.livejournal.com]

OL` PEOPLE TODAY HAVE NO RE-SPEK!!!

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

THIS IS #1 COMMENT

[aedariamti.livejournal.com]

dolphins can't paint.

;)

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

awww, yr a killer of dreams!

[mwittier.livejournal.com]

You should keep a big fat seventy-pound trilobite fossil under the counter for the next time this happens, and then wordlessly, silently, heave it up onto the counter, rotate it slightly so that it might see her better, and then step back and say helpfully, "Sorry, this is the oldest one we have."

You have the sort of LJ that almost makes me want to write in mine again, so that I'd have any sort of right to Friend you. But I did anyhow. I mostly blather in Drew's now, and he's quite patient about it, considering. That we don't know each other. And stuff.

So, hullo. Peer at my old entries and see if you judge me worthy. Also, I am on flickr, same name, less lack of initiative.

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

allo! nice to meet you. consider yrself added.
and no worries, i don't judge my friends by their entries. i just enjoy making connections w people i like.
i'm proud of the idea tho, of you writing again in yr journal, on account of lil ole me.