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concretekissSo Mom calls to tell me that Grandmother wanted me to know that you can get diseases from tattoo needles. I kindly told her to tell Gram I would only go to a tattoo parlor that uses brand new needles & implements safe/sanitary practices, as opposed to the Crack Shack or the Aids Hut. She tries to then reason with me, her argument being that tattoos are sleazy, that she would never date a man with tattoos (as opposed to Fuckhead Fred who still brings his laundry to his mom’s house on Sunday), but I slammed down the ace of how I remembered a Billy she dated back when I was around 7 with a TEAR tattooed under his eye, to which she babbled scalded…I…well I…that was such a short time I was with him…I…never would’ve married him or anything n’ uh-huh uh-huh what kind of dressing would you like on your foot Ma?
I try to pinpoint exactly when mom lost her super-powers, when I began to challenge her omniscience. Maybe it was back when in a fit of anger she shouted righteously, index finger rigid as a church spire “everything you waste is…*flabbergasted look*…WASTED!” & how the customarily smug demeanor she maintained in moments such as these, twitched, shifted to reveal a glimmer of culpability, though my siblings & I exchanged incredulous looks. The humanizing of the goddess to demi-goddess, to mortal. I believe it brought her closer to us…made her touchable & easier to love. Awkwardness is charming to me. Gracelessness, endearing. A child falls & is instantly magnetic. We rush to the fallen cooing. I try as best I can not to pretend to be infallible or wear armor around my little ones, lest they find the chink. They are hawkeyed little imps. I try to imagine we are all children still, but in our years we’ve simply taught ourselves to hide it.
I believe that too many people think that one must be fail-safe to raise a child, yet would still agree that there never existed a perfect parent. So far, if I could give any advice at all it would be that parenting is about willingness & courage as opposed to "readiness." The house, the marriage, the high-paid job can all easily be lost in a matter of moments. Though those things may increase one's willingness & courage to rise to a challenge they should never quantify his/her devotion. Do not depend on nubile bliss, financial support, college credits or some formulaic asset equation to see you through a child's upbringing. Depend on yourself, your resilience your propensity for survival, for scenery changes & to fool yourself into thinking you can always keep it from doing so is a disservice to you & those involved.
Born of adversity I never once felt like a burden. My children were born in quite difficult life circumstances, & I have never regretted my decision to keep them. They enrich my life & I theirs. I will even go as far to say they have saved it considering the pot-holed path I'd trod before the conception of my first.
I think I feel like saying this now because I've been feeling like a minority lately on LJ & have been reading much disdain towards having children & single parenting in general. These views I've seen are not necessarily always presented as personal opinion as much as they stress a point that my lifestyle is commonly & stereotypically reproached. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive but, take it from one of "those people" you've never been or wanted to be; Guess what. I'm just fine! Single parenting is not as horrific as some may think or make it out to be. What I do is rewarding, enlightening, & sanctifying.
Plus I had no hips before I had children. From behind I used to look like Elija Wood.
I try to pinpoint exactly when mom lost her super-powers, when I began to challenge her omniscience. Maybe it was back when in a fit of anger she shouted righteously, index finger rigid as a church spire “everything you waste is…*flabbergasted look*…WASTED!” & how the customarily smug demeanor she maintained in moments such as these, twitched, shifted to reveal a glimmer of culpability, though my siblings & I exchanged incredulous looks. The humanizing of the goddess to demi-goddess, to mortal. I believe it brought her closer to us…made her touchable & easier to love. Awkwardness is charming to me. Gracelessness, endearing. A child falls & is instantly magnetic. We rush to the fallen cooing. I try as best I can not to pretend to be infallible or wear armor around my little ones, lest they find the chink. They are hawkeyed little imps. I try to imagine we are all children still, but in our years we’ve simply taught ourselves to hide it.
I believe that too many people think that one must be fail-safe to raise a child, yet would still agree that there never existed a perfect parent. So far, if I could give any advice at all it would be that parenting is about willingness & courage as opposed to "readiness." The house, the marriage, the high-paid job can all easily be lost in a matter of moments. Though those things may increase one's willingness & courage to rise to a challenge they should never quantify his/her devotion. Do not depend on nubile bliss, financial support, college credits or some formulaic asset equation to see you through a child's upbringing. Depend on yourself, your resilience your propensity for survival, for scenery changes & to fool yourself into thinking you can always keep it from doing so is a disservice to you & those involved.
Born of adversity I never once felt like a burden. My children were born in quite difficult life circumstances, & I have never regretted my decision to keep them. They enrich my life & I theirs. I will even go as far to say they have saved it considering the pot-holed path I'd trod before the conception of my first.
I think I feel like saying this now because I've been feeling like a minority lately on LJ & have been reading much disdain towards having children & single parenting in general. These views I've seen are not necessarily always presented as personal opinion as much as they stress a point that my lifestyle is commonly & stereotypically reproached. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive but, take it from one of "those people" you've never been or wanted to be; Guess what. I'm just fine! Single parenting is not as horrific as some may think or make it out to be. What I do is rewarding, enlightening, & sanctifying.
Plus I had no hips before I had children. From behind I used to look like Elija Wood.
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yeah!
Date: 2006-03-01 06:11 pm (UTC)Re: yeah!
Date: 2006-03-01 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 06:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 07:13 pm (UTC)there are times when while expressing my preference for one thing, the passion i use to express it can in turn be construed by others into disdain for the opposite, though it may not be my intention. i hope i made sense just now.
thank you for your comment!
no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 06:16 pm (UTC)I think you are amazing, and from what I know of the raising of children (which, while perhaps not as much as a parent, though I do spend more time with "my kids" than their parents do, still more than the average childless person), I think you're an amazing mom.
My parents divorced when I was 6, and my memories of the time I had alone with my mom before she remarried are the favorites of my childhood. She made my life magical, and from what you share of you and yours it seems like you do, too.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 07:16 pm (UTC)My parents divorced when I was 6, and my memories of the time I had alone with my mom before she remarried are the favorites of my childhood. She made my life magical, and from what you share of you and yours it seems like you do, too.
mean a whole really big lot to me. i'm so grateful to've met you.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 06:24 pm (UTC)Ron and I never want the boys to think we are almighty, flawless, super ego driven parental units. We act like kids a lot around them. Sometimes you notice them growing up too fast and a lot of parents just let it be or encourage that. I feel like we have to reel them back to reality, because they're not going to have this for very long. I feel to experience your childhood years fully is more important than any lesson you will learn. It impacts every lesson you learn and how you absorb the world around you.
I love being at that age where you become wise to your parent's flaws entirely and it's great because it gives you a much better understanding of not only why they raised you the way they did, but who they are as people. You get to an age where they don't have to be just your parents. Your relationship has the opportunity to become much more, and that's a level of vulnerability that makes being a parent (step parent) much more comforting to be surrounded by.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 07:37 pm (UTC)to your last sentence yes yes yes
no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 07:39 pm (UTC)I need to hold on to as much of that childhood knowledge as possible. If I didn't have it, I'd never be able to communicate with the boys like I can and cherish now.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 07:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 07:36 pm (UTC)i will tonight & give you the credit. "This hug & super-wedgy were brought to you by Sam."
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Date: 2006-03-01 07:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 07:52 pm (UTC)i don't mean to make anyone feel obligated to justify their reasons for not wanting to be a parent. your reasons are specific to you. gene pools, careers, car troubles ya do wutcha need.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 07:42 pm (UTC)-S
no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 07:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 07:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-02 01:46 am (UTC)touchin' haaaands
reachin' ooout
touchin' meeeee
TOUCHIN' YOOOOOOOU!
no subject
Date: 2006-03-02 04:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 08:14 pm (UTC)when i realized that i've decided not to have kids, i did a lot of soul searching. i know now that it was less about the responsibility than plain out fear; not wanting them to struggle because of my shortcomings and failures.
now i see the irony in these two paragraphs.
thank you.
you gorgeous thing
Date: 2006-03-01 09:16 pm (UTC)you know i still have that same fear, bebe. & i think it's safe to say most parents do, but you know, i don't think that really matters much to the little ones. they never sat me down to say "ok mom let's talk about your shortcomings." right now i can distract them by tickling & ooooo LOOK there's a firetruck!
i hope you know what a gift you are.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 08:21 pm (UTC)Do you mind if I ask how you handle dating and relationships? Do you introduce them to your kids right away, wait a fixed period, or just see how it goes?
no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 09:40 pm (UTC)i've only dated once since separating & introduced my children right away, but i think a factor is that i never really felt threatened by the men my mother dated. i knew i was first & foremost though i did harbor a bit of jealousy towards a new guy at times, but only if they neglected to address me. my mom's concern with the way i felt about newcomers was all i needed to feel comfortable about it. when children are hurt by such things i think it's when their concerns & fears are not being addressed. when they don't have any say in matters.
in hindsight i think i may in the future introduce someone i date to my children as just my friend until a heavier commitment has been made. kids are more resilient than some think. if you had a parent who dated you can use your feelings about it to guage, but i know you can't stop people from entering & leaving a child's life. they deal with a new elementary teacher every year.
i DO respect L's wishes, though. different moms are more protective about different things, & when it's about keeping little ones safe, i wouldn't counter it.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 08:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 09:41 pm (UTC)you is the awesome-est
Date: 2006-03-01 09:45 pm (UTC)this post rocked hardcore.
Re: you is the awesome-est
Date: 2006-03-02 02:42 am (UTC)Re: you is the awesome-est
Date: 2006-03-03 03:15 am (UTC)also, when you want to move someone outta your way...just knock em out with your HIPS. hee.