you would see the biggest gift would be from me, and the card attached would say...

[concretekiss]

I didn't say "Is it ok if she's Mexican and wears a baseball cap?" to the woman who came into the shop today to ask "Isn't there someone here who is closer to my age? I need an opinion." I also did not say "I have many opinions, one being that you are an ass-faced donkey whore," or "She is out on vacation right now, but you are welcome to blow a lobster," or "You look like you're in your late 40s. I'm closer to your age than Blanche buttfucking Devereaux," or "Sure I'll go get her" and duck behind the counter only to hobble back into the shop all haggafied, with a scarf wrapped around my head, dark glasses and a walking cane.
Instead I politely went to get the manager who in her noble aged wisdom happily and proudly gave her godlike opinion on violets for a tea party, as I glowered in the back room. This kill them with kindness biz can suck my velvet balls. D'nay tells me I should've told the lady "I'm a mother!" like what the fuck would that do? People hate kids as much as Nazis nowadays. Everything always goes back to if I were a dolphin I wouldn't have these problems.

Comments

yeah!!! spit in their flowers!!!

[jujulilianan.livejournal.com]

As long as you're not counting backwards, I'm happy with that.


so, wouldn't it be more fun to be a giant squid than a dolphin? a dolphin would have a hell of a time handling flowers. but a giant squid with 8 arms would totally own the shop. Plus you have another comeback option for annoying customers. Ink squirt!

Re: yeah!!! spit in their flowers!!!

[flightviolation.livejournal.com]

did you know that squids only have TWO intelligent arms? the rest are just barbed tentacles.
OCTOPI, however have EIGHT AND can squirt ink in clouds the shape of their own bodies. Octopus all tha way!

Re: yeah!!! spit in their flowers!!!

[jujulilianan.livejournal.com]

I didn't know that about squids - I was just picking one of them cause they can be really huge. Barbed tentacles could still be useful, if you could just flail them about a lot though!

I really like octopuses! If I were a rich man I'd have some in nice big aquariums.