valens - latin - worthy - o gag me

[concretekiss]

The first dream I trespassed into a rich person's house I'd been gazing after for years. On the back porch were snakes swimming in buckets of water. I was not afraid of them. Inside the house, in a great bed a woman slept. On the pillow next to her was the stone head of a lion, its mouth frozen in a roar. It was midday. The sunlight illuminated the bed.

A baby lamb and fawn I cradled in my second dream, in the white vinyl back seat of a car. I'd commanded the driver to stop so I could have them, muddy and tired and lost. I can still remember the feel of thick wet wool.

This (actual) morning it was wet outside and cool gray. The cracked sidewalk was submerged, so we hopped along the wet patches of grass to the car, all of us muddy upon arrival.

The pending holiday like some incantation resurrects old lovers, brittle ribbons of dry crimson stick to rat bitten collar bones. You were such a greeeat loverrrrr one croaks, staggers slow, dirty nails from digging out. Another moans through the screen door I should have marriiiiieeed yoooou lisping through his fallen teeth, when I had the chaaaaance. I thought I'd made gifts to the fish of them long ago. One reaches through the window, eel hollowed eye socket, barnacles behind his ears. Martyrs twitch in their graves. We should let them rest.

The music I love lately wants me to stand on a windy cliffside in some wispy satin dress and make wide florid gestures at the sky. Sometimes I make the gestures but at the ac vent from my work desk, and in my ratty cardigan.

Ruined one of my favorite sweaters because it had angora in it. Damn angora. You only have one chance to fuck it up. Why are such pretty things so high maintenance?

You should know I am sweeter in theory than practice.
So this is it. Wake to task to sleep to wake. Insignificance causes such fret, sometimes. Some want to be important to many. I am essential by blood to few. I wanted to be vital by passion to one who was as central to me. And even that is much too much to ask. We have all become too disposable. So triviality, so smallness, hello. I was a fool to fight you.