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until around 17, the closest thing to my house besides a gas station was a rinky-dink library, about a mile away consisting of one room, & about 5 stacks. I would ride my bike to it blind of boredom, my skinny black dog galloping alongside. I spent summers copying Whitman into my notebook, eyeliner tips from Teen Magazine. In my plastic wallet I carried love scenes. Surreptitiously extracted from novels with an exacto knife were the parts of stories where people got what they gave, last goodbyes, & first kisses so heartrending the lovers had to ‘come up for air,’ like fuckin’ narwhals.
I was the King Haggard of the Gunter Branch Library, somehow insatiable, starving for beauty in a muddy shit-town, my imagination cultivated by isolation & paucity. Without one certain page, Rapunzel stays in the tower, Snow White keeps sleeping. We wait hours & lives for divine intervention. Triumphs that without, render the stories banal, I scavenged. What lovesick lass giddily turned the page to find the fragment of an unrequited confession? Maybe I did her a favor I don't know.


Oct. 30th, 2006 07:17 pm
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we will fuck you up )
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Jennifer, my gay car, whose real name is Jermaine & I ran into the back of a big dumb truck Thursday, that was going too slow & so we took him out. Jen's face got all jacked up, so she's in the hospital. I'm driving this stupid green Ford, Rodney.

Today I am 30. This is what it looks like. Being blind as a bat, in the paleolithic era I wouldn't have made it past the age of 9 as my family would've sacrificed me as sabre toothed tiger bait.
We had chocolate ice-cream cake for breakfast. & tonight there is a Cat Power concert, where I will do my best to propose to Chan Marshall. Who would you GO GAY FOR?

Last night as everyone got laid but me, I listened to Patsy Cline & organized toiletries to find I've enough lotion to last a lifetime & lipgloss to slather a tribe of windblown eskimo.
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Across the street they are tearing down a large building. Throughout the day I snuck moments to gaze out the window & watch men smash things with sledge hammers. One would tire & hand the hammer to another who would begin wailing away. I wondered if they were gentle as lambs at home, having shattered windows & kicked in brick walls all day. I wanted to ask if I could help.

There is a divide, in eljay frienddom, between people who are internet friends and people who step out of the former, into your life, and offer you their hand. I play mine close to my chest and don't mention how that matters. - A Wise, Eloquent & Beautiful Woman

Being cantankerous, with heavy soda-shaken heart, refusing to retain a superficial network of replaceables or become one to anyone else, being at times unreasonably scrupulous about things such as dependability & character, having trust issues, preferring quality to quantity, I have very few real life friends, but hoooo are those I have really something. There is this one long lanky girl who I met at age 7 & have heaved through 20 years & this...I wish you could hear the offkey Serenade of Love on my answering machine. Another I'ma call after I'm done with this entry has the most rewarding giggle & sweetpotato pie with praline liqueur in the whipcream. In some of you I see the bff potential, a life-time warranty & wish I could have you shipped out to me. Many of you I've never met, yet, have over the years read the thoughts I cannot manifest anywhere else &, silly I know, it's just now struck me. You people are getting my bottled & sea-strewn messages.

Blues in the park is coming soon. I can't believe I've only just begun to dance publicly two years ago, & am now learning the secret language. I began with my eyes closed & for only a short spurt, never for an entire song, afraid to catch someone pointing at me, belly clutched in laughter. But if by chance you open your eyes to see someone closeby, smiling, nodding along I think it means you don't dance bad.

Also, my paycheck is SO big & sexy. Caring for two little ones alone in the big city with no support I deserve a pat on the butt.

I would like to somehow understand what in Chopin's nocturnes brings me to tears. They are only notes. Maybe it is the way they are spaced, sometimes like lamenting chirps? There HAS to be some sort of scientific explanation.
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As their wings are not strong enough to lift off, they developed strong claws to hang with in order to launch into flight by dropping.
Belonging to the order Chiroptera, Greek for “hand-wing,” bats are the only mammals who can actually fly as opposed to gliding or parachuting like squirrels.
Read more... )

some of this is cross-posted to [ profile] aminalfaks
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We went Christmas light hunting last night. There is one particular street that has become popular for its creative & enthusiastic displays. It sings with light and laughter. I am wildly pleased with this batch of photos. Be warned; this one's image heavy & may cause seizures )
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Sight extends beyond anything this world can ever impart to us

when we close our eyes

So that in our waking moments
we chase and run from
those self inflicted images


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August 2010



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